Close

I stumbled upon "Closer" via Clutch Magazine's article "Is It Really 'Just Sex'?" - though I think that question might lead one to believe the short is less complex than it is.

One night after a casual 'visit', Angela is all but ready to leave Derek's apartment. Derek, however, is determined no to let her go without a fight.

Programmer's Note: Tahir Jetter makes his first visit to the Sundance Film Festival with his dramatic short film "Close." With its truthful and intimate look at a turning point in a relationship, Jetter describes "Close." as "heavily autobiographical." In fact, at the New York premiere of the short, one particular audience member found the film's narrative more than coincidental, to which Jetter can only comment, "Nothing like making a movie about a person you've been romantically involved with and then having that person go and see it." A graduate of NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, Jetter is working on expanding "Close." into a feature film.

It's hard to figure out where exactly to begin. The gender dynamics are interesting - not only superficially because of the gender reversal - but because of the violence. It is interesting how Derek's violence is juxtaposed with his earlier behavior imitating a highly sexualized, stylized dancing (Beyonce's Single Ladies dance) that almost initially makes him seem effeminate, or at the very least at ease with his sexuality. His violence - rapelike - is harsh in comparison to our first few images of him. What's more interesting is reading the caption to the video in which the director shares that it's autobiographical. I wonder what he makes of his own violence, especially since he is able to so vividly depict it. 

It's funny because I went to follow him on twitter and he had posted something about Blue Valentine (another must-see). Closer is reminiscent of Blue Valentine (or perhaps the other way around) in that its eerily real, the silences palpable, the frustrations understandable. 

can't even to begin

so a while ago, one of my girls brought a couple blog posts to my attention written by a young asian girl, Lillian Wu. one of them is affectionately entitled "how to get girls for asian guys" and the other "how to date an asian girl (for white guys)." where to begin, where to begin?

i don't think there is a sentence on either on of those posts that isn't highly problematic. it would be funny in its ridiculousness if it wasn't so frightening. in all honesty, i had to read through some other blog posts to make sure it wasn't some "tongue in cheek" commentary... it isn't. even worse, she seems to fashion herself as critically engaging with the idea of false stereotypes while replicating all the problems of stereotyping and essentializing a racial group. the fact that she does this to herself makes the entire project more disturbing.

i'm not even sure how to engage with her. or if i want to at all. what i will say is that it is a great example of self-hate, a lack of education about the history of people of color, and an extremely childish racist view of relatioships, power dynamics and cultural practice.

in her first post, aimed at helping asian men secure girlfriends her solution is to defy stereotypes in order to date women, this said while she simultaneously emasculates them and tells them the stereotypes are more often than not true. for some examples:

• she says that asian men need to try and emulate white men
• she refers to non-asian women as exotic
• "the rumor that Asian guys are bad in bed does not help. The negative stereotypes will continue to be an obstacle, especially the ones that carry truth"
• "The drastic difference between white guys and Asian guys is state of mind. White guys score dates because they act like men and take command."
• "Stop being the nice guy if you want to be the one who takes her home."
• "If she is straight, she will not be into a man who is more feminine than she is."

in her second post, aimed at white men who want to date asian women, she essentializes asian women as greedy, spoiled, manipulative and shallow. while acknowledging it's a stereotype, she says it's one that's quite true!

and while, i can go on and on about how messed up wu's view is. i think the bigger question i can pull out of this is how children have become so hateful. instead of brushing aside negative stereotypes, they embrace them. what is the best way to teach children to be more critical (of the themselves, their social and identity groups, and the world around them)? i know that i didn't concretely develop a critical conscious until i went to college and i was taught how to think. and it seems that this lack of critical thinking skills is due in large part to the emphasis on high stakes standardized testing where the correct answer isn't always the critical one.

for example, in middle school we often practiced responding to writing prompts for the standardized tests. two sides of a story were presented, and you had to pick the one you agreed with and argue your point. i distinctly remember my ILA (english) teacher telling us that we shouldn't weigh or consider both sides nor make concessions of any kind for the other side. when we wrote, we had to be 100% on one side, or we wouldn't score well on the test. similarly, students have become less politically active and less willing to challenge group norms in order to pursue "success" in school. pressure from all sides, raising rates of tuition (and debt), etc. create a climate that doesn't encourage critical engagement with material.

i think we need to have a complete reimaging of education, and with that which skills are valued. i strongly believe that if miss wu would have been taught to make critical assessments and to understand her role in either combating or perpetrating negativity and essentialism, the only way that would have been written would be as tongue in cheek commentary to someone else!

anger misdirected

so, first, two personal vignettes to frame this post.

- i was riding the metro north train from new york to new haven on a friday evening after work. i had a business suit on because i, at the time, still worked at a corporate firm. the train was very pretty full, but i found a seat in a 3 person row where there was only an old white woman sitting there. to put it lightly, she looked pissed and uncomfortable when i sat down. i framed this by what i looked like, in other words, professional-looking asians usually don't even get noticed by anyone, nor are they really the target for racist white people because of our model minority status. but this woman was not feeling me sitting next to her. i could just feel her discomfort and there was something telling me it was because of my race. not surprisingly, a couple minutes later she got up and walked throughout the (crowded) train to find a new place to sit. i felt like shit. and i have to admit that i cried. it was cruel. it was racist. and i ended up being really angry with myself for even caring.

- yesterday, i was supposed to go out with this man i met. he seemed cool and i thought the little time we spoke at the bar, we connected. apparently not. anyways, day of he starts texting me comments that i felt were sexually inappropriate and disrespectful. it's funny odd fucked up how a man can make a woman feel objectified and, frankly, dirty through a couple of choice words. even worse, he feigned being offended when confronted. and he insinuated that i was just a non-sexual person because i refused to respond to his sexual advances. it was fucked up. and i was upset. i felt dirty, used, gross, and objectified. i wanted to cry. and i ended up being really angry with myself for even caring.

so, i was talking to my boss about how i had been having a bad day and was just ashamed that this worthless man was able to make me feel any kind of way about myself. at the time, i had immediately discounted his words as worthless and sophomoric, but i still was affected. i still felt bad. and it made me sad that i couldn't control my feelings enough to not let insignificant people effect them. but she told me that my anger was completely misdirected. why would i be mad at myself when the only person i should be mad at is him. it was just another example of gender imbalance, when i should be blaming a man, i end up blaming myself for not being able to brush off his disrespectful de-feminizing comments. it reminded my of my first vignette and how i was so angry with myself for even being upset, when really i should've been angry with that woman for making me feel like i was worth less because of the shape of my eyes and the color of my skin.

why do we so often turn back social injustices that occur because of power differences on ourselves instead of critically examining the power dynamics working behind the scenes? will the eventual disruption of these imbalances change how i would feel? or am i just too sensitive? (which would be another example of blaming myself for the deliberate actions of others... ugh a habit that's difficult to break.)

Willfull disobedience, or why I listen to rap music and will probably take my husband's last name

The way I feel about rap music is the same way I feel about (if and when I get married) taking my fiance's last name. I know I probably shouldn't like/do it; in fact, I have logical reasons why I shouldn't like/do it that are aligned with my beliefs, but I'll still do it for no good reason.

Is that a bit complicated? Well, basically, I think most rap music is misogynistic. I think it teaches young girls growing up to devalue themselves and that objectification equals love. I would be awfully offended if a man ever approached me or spoke to me in the way Lil Wayne claims he speaks to women. I think it's disrespectful, and that hip-hop music generally creates a virgin/whore dichotomy that is woefully ignorant of the complexity of being a woman, especially in a way that's not defined by men. All good reasons for not listening to rap. Rap isn't aligned with my values, with my belief system. Now, if I know this, it's probably because I listen to it. And, while I do listen to "Ladies First" and "Black Girl Pain," I do listen to "Oh, let's do it" (the remix - who is Diddy paying to write his lyrics? that was a good look) and Minaj's verse on threesomes with Usher. And, how does rap music align with my values? It doesn't. Then, again, how does any music align with my values? They don't, but they also don't misalign. 

However, I still listen. I stopped for about a year because I thought if I proclaimed to be a radical feminist I can not be caught listening to this bullshit. But, then I started again. I sang along. I downloaded. I even bought! (Yes, folks, I still buy CDs.) And, the truth is, I have no good reason.

Now, this is similar to my relationship with taking a man's name. Why must I give up the identity I've cultivated for so long to take on a man's identity? Why should I stroke my man's ego and let him know his dick is big enough when I got shit to do, people to see, places to be? How does this fit into my feminist agenda? It doesn't. In fact, I'm so on the same page with every single article I read about women choosing to keep their last name instead of furthering patriarchy. I know that culturally some women always keep their last name (I think Korean women do this?) with no serious repercussions (people will get confused because I don't have the same last name as my child - though this is probably a moot point in Korea...). So, I have this whole case built up against giving up my name. And, absolutely no reason to keep it. But, I will probably end up taking my fiance's last name to the chagrin of some important women in my life. Why? I don't know. Because I've always wanted to be a "Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so"? That's not good enough or even really true. 

So, why is it that we participate in behavior that we know is wrong and choose to do things that we have no good reason to be doing?

In re: "Is it because I'm white?" "Yes."

My fellow alum/sister, Sydnie, recently wrote an interesting post in her blog, entitled "Is it because I'm white?" "Yes." where she relays a story about this white dude who tried to kick it to her and when she refused to bite - he basically asked, "Is it because I'm white?" And, the short and sweet of her answer was yes.

Now, she says she is a fan of black love, and a white guy would have to go above and beyond to be considered. It makes me stop and think, where do I stand on this? Black love is cool. Asian love is cool. I guess white love is cool - though that doesn't slide off my tongue in the same way, maybe because it's so damn politically incorrect. But, interracial love is mad cool. 

A little history... in 1958 Richard and Mildred loving, a white man and black woman, were married out of state to avoid miscegenation laws. (Miscegenation - such an ugly sounding word.) They were charged and their case made it all the way to the Supreme Court. The court found in favor of the Lovings:

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

And thus, miscegenation laws died. It was 1963 -- less than 50 years ago.