can't even to begin

so a while ago, one of my girls brought a couple blog posts to my attention written by a young asian girl, Lillian Wu. one of them is affectionately entitled "how to get girls for asian guys" and the other "how to date an asian girl (for white guys)." where to begin, where to begin?

i don't think there is a sentence on either on of those posts that isn't highly problematic. it would be funny in its ridiculousness if it wasn't so frightening. in all honesty, i had to read through some other blog posts to make sure it wasn't some "tongue in cheek" commentary... it isn't. even worse, she seems to fashion herself as critically engaging with the idea of false stereotypes while replicating all the problems of stereotyping and essentializing a racial group. the fact that she does this to herself makes the entire project more disturbing.

i'm not even sure how to engage with her. or if i want to at all. what i will say is that it is a great example of self-hate, a lack of education about the history of people of color, and an extremely childish racist view of relatioships, power dynamics and cultural practice.

in her first post, aimed at helping asian men secure girlfriends her solution is to defy stereotypes in order to date women, this said while she simultaneously emasculates them and tells them the stereotypes are more often than not true. for some examples:

• she says that asian men need to try and emulate white men
• she refers to non-asian women as exotic
• "the rumor that Asian guys are bad in bed does not help. The negative stereotypes will continue to be an obstacle, especially the ones that carry truth"
• "The drastic difference between white guys and Asian guys is state of mind. White guys score dates because they act like men and take command."
• "Stop being the nice guy if you want to be the one who takes her home."
• "If she is straight, she will not be into a man who is more feminine than she is."

in her second post, aimed at white men who want to date asian women, she essentializes asian women as greedy, spoiled, manipulative and shallow. while acknowledging it's a stereotype, she says it's one that's quite true!

and while, i can go on and on about how messed up wu's view is. i think the bigger question i can pull out of this is how children have become so hateful. instead of brushing aside negative stereotypes, they embrace them. what is the best way to teach children to be more critical (of the themselves, their social and identity groups, and the world around them)? i know that i didn't concretely develop a critical conscious until i went to college and i was taught how to think. and it seems that this lack of critical thinking skills is due in large part to the emphasis on high stakes standardized testing where the correct answer isn't always the critical one.

for example, in middle school we often practiced responding to writing prompts for the standardized tests. two sides of a story were presented, and you had to pick the one you agreed with and argue your point. i distinctly remember my ILA (english) teacher telling us that we shouldn't weigh or consider both sides nor make concessions of any kind for the other side. when we wrote, we had to be 100% on one side, or we wouldn't score well on the test. similarly, students have become less politically active and less willing to challenge group norms in order to pursue "success" in school. pressure from all sides, raising rates of tuition (and debt), etc. create a climate that doesn't encourage critical engagement with material.

i think we need to have a complete reimaging of education, and with that which skills are valued. i strongly believe that if miss wu would have been taught to make critical assessments and to understand her role in either combating or perpetrating negativity and essentialism, the only way that would have been written would be as tongue in cheek commentary to someone else!

tumblr

here's my thinking:

where my blog is a place where i write and share. i made a tumblr account - live from noel - as a place where i can store things that i think about but don't really belong anywhere else.

there's also a live feed on the link above. though not as nice as the real thing.

check it out if you're interested.

love,

khl

"Post-Racial" Politics and History

check out my boss - Kim Crenshaw - on GRITtv talking about "Post-Racial" Politics and History

a word from your humble editor

here is my guilt-ridden sad-face (in a scrum cap!) for not keeping my blog updated the past couple of days. i am truly sorry if you had navigated to my blog to read the daily updates and have found nothing. today, however, i am putting up a four new posts to try and make up for what was lacking. i will try my hardest not to let that happen again.

and, in pursuit of that, i am going to post sunday-thursday instead of monday-friday. fridays just are a bit hard for me. what can i say? i like to go hard on fridays. i love new york. i adore brooklyn. 

and for those who somehow haven't heard the ill cooking soul remix of hello brooklyn - enjoy. you can thank me now*! ha!

and as always, thanks for your continued patronage.

love,
khl

*check out cookin soul's collaboration with drake on an instrumental version of his album, which includes the phrase "you can thank me now" so it's a double nod to cookin soul. got it. 

anger misdirected

so, first, two personal vignettes to frame this post.

- i was riding the metro north train from new york to new haven on a friday evening after work. i had a business suit on because i, at the time, still worked at a corporate firm. the train was very pretty full, but i found a seat in a 3 person row where there was only an old white woman sitting there. to put it lightly, she looked pissed and uncomfortable when i sat down. i framed this by what i looked like, in other words, professional-looking asians usually don't even get noticed by anyone, nor are they really the target for racist white people because of our model minority status. but this woman was not feeling me sitting next to her. i could just feel her discomfort and there was something telling me it was because of my race. not surprisingly, a couple minutes later she got up and walked throughout the (crowded) train to find a new place to sit. i felt like shit. and i have to admit that i cried. it was cruel. it was racist. and i ended up being really angry with myself for even caring.

- yesterday, i was supposed to go out with this man i met. he seemed cool and i thought the little time we spoke at the bar, we connected. apparently not. anyways, day of he starts texting me comments that i felt were sexually inappropriate and disrespectful. it's funny odd fucked up how a man can make a woman feel objectified and, frankly, dirty through a couple of choice words. even worse, he feigned being offended when confronted. and he insinuated that i was just a non-sexual person because i refused to respond to his sexual advances. it was fucked up. and i was upset. i felt dirty, used, gross, and objectified. i wanted to cry. and i ended up being really angry with myself for even caring.

so, i was talking to my boss about how i had been having a bad day and was just ashamed that this worthless man was able to make me feel any kind of way about myself. at the time, i had immediately discounted his words as worthless and sophomoric, but i still was affected. i still felt bad. and it made me sad that i couldn't control my feelings enough to not let insignificant people effect them. but she told me that my anger was completely misdirected. why would i be mad at myself when the only person i should be mad at is him. it was just another example of gender imbalance, when i should be blaming a man, i end up blaming myself for not being able to brush off his disrespectful de-feminizing comments. it reminded my of my first vignette and how i was so angry with myself for even being upset, when really i should've been angry with that woman for making me feel like i was worth less because of the shape of my eyes and the color of my skin.

why do we so often turn back social injustices that occur because of power differences on ourselves instead of critically examining the power dynamics working behind the scenes? will the eventual disruption of these imbalances change how i would feel? or am i just too sensitive? (which would be another example of blaming myself for the deliberate actions of others... ugh a habit that's difficult to break.)

lessons from brazil

first off, a huge thank you for those who were able to come to the event i organized on Monday night, "Does Race (Still) Matter? Reconsidering Affirmative Action in the US and Brazil." to be honest, i woke up in the middle of the night the day before tossing and turning and making mental lists because i was so worried i'd fuck it up. luckily enough, it went pretty smoothly and all things considered i was happy with the turnout. i definitely learned things that i didn't know before (like the fact that GWB didn't know that there were Blacks in Brazil... smfh).

if you weren't able to make it, check out our live twitter blog feed. eventually, i'll get some video and flicks up as well.

anyways, i would like to quickly explore the thing that i found the most interesting and thought-provoking. a recent law was passed in Brazil that mandated that Afro-Brazilian history and culture be taught in public schools. this was to combat the otherwise lack of knowledge about Afro-Brazilian culture and to begin to shift from a white-centric history. yo, this is an amazing idea. something that i believe the U.S. should adopt. what would an education that included and celebrated the history and accomplishments of Blacks, Asians and Latino Americans? how would such an education contribute to a shift in public perception, acceptance and call for affirmative action programs specifically and racial power dynamics more generally?

how can we begin to confront our violent history? we learn of the attempted genocide of the Jewish people during the holocaust, but not of the genocide of the indigenous population in america. we learn of the england's mistreatment of us as a colony, but don't learn about either our violent history of colonization or our de facto colonization in Puerto Rico and the Phillipines. how would teaching our bloody history effect the way our children think about power dynamics?

would a history that includes Asian-Americans help to counter the myth of "forever immigrants?" would a history that includes cross-racial coalition building, such as Asian and Latino coalitions in the sugar fields of hawaii, help us to understand the importance of banding together toward a common grievance?  


and, in english, what if we read more books by people of color than by white people? since we will be the majority-minority soon, right? how would a reading of say Zora's "Their Eyes Were Watching God" effect the way in which we understand language, dialect and the hierarchy of it all? 


and, not just a celebration of the history and culture of other races, but what if we began to look at the history of racism and power in the united states throughout the disciplines. for example, learning how statistics was created by eugenicists in order to prove white superiority? or in science exploring how faulty "scientific processes" were used to bolster eugenicist arguments?


i think that we often look at Brazil as being much more behind us on the issue of race, because of the failure to confront it. yet, now that they are confronting it, we are pretending it is no longer an issue (it is!). and, in some ways, they are far outpacing us.

as a side note: my brother was telling me the other day that there are only 2-3 major textbook publishers in the united states that provide the educational materials for the entire country. they are based in texas(? - i think) and are controlled by one curriculum board comprised of mostly white, mostly conservative members. these are the people that control what the entire country learns. we must demand that this be changed by demanding a larger curriculum change within our public schools.  

words from my people illuminated

a a little bit of cross-posting/cross-promoting/celebration of my talented friends. coming from my boy's blog poetsnvandals and my love of new york, here is "this is fashion":

We took our love for fashion and people to the streets, catching up with NYC's most stylish residents.  Check out part one in a two part series about original new yorkers and their take on fashion.  Produced by Juan Carlos Mendoza and shot by yours truly.

pause. most stylish residents. where am i at? .......... kidding! enjoy!

Book Review: Glorious, Bernice L. McFadden

Glorious, Bernice L. McFadden's latest book, is a glimpse into Black life during the Harlem Renaissance through the eyes of Easter. Although she is a fictional character, McFadden has obviously done her research, placing Easter into a rich historical backdrop that begins to show how complicated the "question of race" was in the period following slavery. On one hand, McFadden describes Harlem in the time of Marcus Garvey, questions of miscegenation, and whiteness and on the other hand in the South little has changed in terms of overt racist thinking about "natural" racial hierarchy. I found it difficult to imagine how Easter after having connections to Marcus Garvey and to the promise of Black rights could have seem so easily to consigned herself to a later life as a white person's maid. McFadden's exploration of race is especially relevant when juxtaposed with the myth of a "post-racial" America. Many of the same attitudes regarding race are played out in such a way that it is easy to forget that this was over 80 years ago.

McFadden's exploration of the whiteness is also especially relevant. Easter is funded by a "benevolent" benefactor whom posits herself as another wealthy white person who is helping Black people. This relationship becomes more and more problematic as the story unfolds. It is obvious that she never sees herself as equals to the Black characters. Other White characters are portrayed as disloyal traitors and naive "white knights." McFadden paints the white liberal as quite the same in days past as today. However, it is interesting that none of the white characters are "good" or even neutral. Each is cast in a harsh, negative light, and while I don't feel like there is any particular need to have white people cast as saints or benevolent friends in a Black novels, McFadden creates white caricatures with no complexity at all.

While, I felt like the novel made me pause and think as I paralleled the world that McFadden recreates to the state of race in America today, I felt like the book in some places felt undeveloped or cliched. A lot of the issues were well thought out: colorism, Black sexuality, white paternalism, etc. but the characters didn't seem as nuanced, and thus the issues weren't brought to maturity the way they could have.

Yet still, I think it was worth reading.

*** Liked it!

Event: Back to Brazil: Transnational Mobility and Education Among Japanese-Brazilian Migrants

Hi All-

Just wanted to mention an event that I'm planning on attending tonight hosted by the Forum on Migration at Barnard. One of my intellectual topics of interest in college was identity politics in Asian-Latino communities. Although the Asian population is huge in Spanish-speaking countries, there is little discussion or acknowledgment of them in popular context. There, at point, was not an unsubstantial community in New York. If you're from the city, you must have seen a couple of the Chino-Cubano spots like Flor de Mayo - a lot of those are owned by Chinese Cubans who immigrated to Cuba in the 19th century. Cristina Garcia's fictional novel called Monkey Hunting is a cool portrait of multiple generations of Chino-Cubanos and their struggle to fit in.

 *********************************************

FORUM ON MIGRATION

BACK TO BRAZIL
Transnational Mobility and Education Among Japanese-Brazilian Migrants

A PANEL

Thursday, 09/23 6 PM
Sulzberger Parlor
3rd Floor Barnard Hall

Home to the largest Japanese community outside of Japan, Brazil has again become a destination for migration from Japan. Once privileged with high wages, now struck by the economic crisis, thousands of Japanese-Brazilian immigrants in Japan have suddenly been forced to return. Professors María E. Torres-Guzmán and Christian Münch discuss the social and cultural consequences of return migration, focusing on children born and raised in Japan and their position within the educational systems of Japan and Brazil. Torres-Guzmán is professor of bilingual/bicultural education at Teachers College, Columbia University. Münch, visiting assistant professor of bilingual education at Teachers College, Columbia University, is a linguist trained in French, Spanish, Catalan, and Portuguese.
Sponsored by Forum on Migration

************************************************

UPDATE:

 

as planned, i attended the talk. a bit disjointed and some parts more interesting than others. here are my thoughts:

- never really considered circular migration (does this just make sound stupid? oh well) in this context up four generations of japanese-brazilians have moved from brazil to japan to brazil yet again, while consciously deciding to keep options open should they want to move back to japan.

- the idea of the trying to claim a geographic location as home. torres-guzman claimed that in a way the japanese brazilians were home in both places, but i disagree. really, they aren't home anywhere, and i guess in that way they can be thought of as home everywhere. 

- the japanese government's accomodation of japanese brazilians. this was shown most poignantly through signage. for example, many of the station signs and other directional signs in public transportation were written in both japanese and portuguese, even though japan is a heavily monolithic culture. i always (maybe mistakenly) think of the japanese government as proud and exclusionary, so it really came as a surprise that there were any efforts at all to transition this population into japan.

- i was also surprised to see how proud the japanese-brazilians living in japan were of their brazilian identity. they were really repping hard. i figured that since they left brazil, they were kinda over it. i also assumed that the brazilian-asians were very insular in brazil, so the transition to japan wouldn't be much of an adjustment. but, the community seems a lot more integrated and a lot more brazilian than i thought. (side note: the reason i thought this was because i have done a bit of research on asian latinos and some communities living in south america are quite insular)

- what i wasn't surprised at, however, but still want to mention is that japanese-brazilians are thought of in japan as somehow dirtier, louder, etc. because of the "stink" of brazil

anyways it was cool. i felt like i was furthering my ed-u-ma-ca-tion. holla.

ethnic food and "but, i have a black friend"

after dinner tonight, my brother, his girl woman girl (woman just sounds funny) and I went for some bubble tea. my brother's girl is still fresh to the states (about a month in), but when she said she never had bubble tea before, i was taken aback. what?! how could she not have had bubble tea? isn't it super-asian (hah! coming from the asian adoptee)?!

i had taken for granted something that i think most asian-americans and, for that matter, americans in general have tried before. milk tea with little tapioca balls in it. so, i asked okay then where did bubble tea originate? taiwan. hm, ok. then, i started to think about how special asian-americans were what with our bubble tea, karoke, korean bbq, tea iced tea, sushi, dim sum, bah minh and pho -- food that i take for granted as transcending their national origin and becoming just "american food." and then after all my constant hate of racial inequality and the social reality of america, i figured tonight's blog post will be different. i'll talk about what i enjoy about american culture.

but, then when my drunkeness wore away a bit, i realized that all of these items that i enjoy so much have really just been commodified and packaged for american consummation and removed from the culture they came from. in a way, they are quintessentially american. where people just assume that most people know about them in an ambiguous "that's asian" type way and all asians are really supposed to know about that.

was i slumming for food? or in other words, was i pretending to be cultured because of my enjoyment of some foods that are marketed to american culture? do we, as americans, think that because we've tried a certain cultural's food that we are all of the sudden culturally sensitive, culturally relative and culturally knowledgable. we go to ethnic restaurants and try ethnic cuisine and all of the sudden we fancy ourselves cultured. like trying the most americanized dish in the culinary repertoire is somehow going to give us insight into a culture.

in what ways does saying "i'm down with taiwanese culture because i'm down with bubble tea" mean exactly the same thing as saying "i'm down with 'cultural diversity' because i have a black friend." instead of understanding and appreciating a culture or a race, we boil it down to an auxilory food or peson that in our head speaks for the race and makes up for our complete lack of cultural or racial understanding. being versed in a variety of cuisines doesn't make you cultured or tolerant or any closer to being knowledgable about the intricacies of group culture. yet, somehow we think it does.

but, in what ways can being introduced to a culture through food help others to appreciate other peoples more? i think that in a very narrow (very very narrow) sense, food can be a foot into the door. but, nothing more than a foot. you can have an introduction to a different culture through the food but you must consciously seek more. otherwise, you're just enjoying food.

Now Reading: Glorious by Bernice McFadden

Just wanted to quickly draw attention to my new book that I'm reading, Glorious by Bernice McFadden because the author is going to give a talk in New York on October 8th. I wanted to read it so I could attend the talk, and I know other people might just be as nerdy as I am:

IRAAS Book Talk

Wednesday, October 8^th, 2010 at 6:00pm; Columbia University’s Faculty House-64 Morningside Drive

Bernice McFadden speaks on her current book, “Glorious”

Ms. McFadden is author of “Nowhere is a Place”; “Camilla’s Roses”; “Loving Donovan”; This Bitter Earth. Glorious is set against the backdrops of the Jim Crow South, the Harlem Renaissance, and the civil rights era. Blending the truth of American history with the fruits of Bernice L. McFadden’s rich imagination, this is the story of Easter Venetta Bartlett, a fictional Harlem Renaissance writer whose tumultuous path to success, ruin, and revival offers a candid portrait of the American experience in all its beauty and cruelty. Glorious is ultimately an audacious exploration into the nature of self-hatred, love, possession, ego, betrayal, and, finally, redemption. Please visit http://bernicemcfadden.com/books.html

For directions to Columbia’s Faculty House please visit http://facultyhouse.columbia.edu/content/contact-us-new-york-event-and-reception-venue

**Books will be available for purchase from Columbia University Bookstore Representative**

Book Review: Motherless Brooklyn, Jonathan Lethem

One of the best books (or possibly the best) book I have read all year. I normally don't like or appreciate mysteries or detective novels (will not go into any freudian explanations of how this points to not liking surprises or my relationship with my father), but this book was different.

It's told from the viewpoint of Lionel, a tourettic orphan growing up in the shadows (literally and figuratively) of Brooklyn. It's more than a murder mystery, but it's hard to say what else it is. Lethem explores Lionel's status as a double outsider, both from the world and his own group of fellow outsiders. His characters are all rich and poignantly real. Lionel's somewhat detached analysis of his own tics and status as a "freakshow" are intriguing and bring you  deeply into his world.

The entire narrative was fast paced, but not so much where you don't want to savor each word. It was one of those books that I had to constantly read until I was finished, foresaking food, water and fun.

It dealt only slightly with issues of race and class. The two women in the book appeared simultaneously objectified and exhalted. But, each was of their own making. Race was dealt with only slightly; not suprisingly so though since this was a book about ethnic (white) new york. Danny, one of the orphans, was described as having a sort of affinity to black culture (through music, sports and friends) but hiding it around his boss. The black girls were untouchables, because the white boys were scared of them. Nothing really worth mentioning in these two realms. Nothing seemed to be done wrong.

Give this read 5 stars, no question. It's even better because it was optioned for a movie by edward norton.

***** Love it!

how segregated is your city?/how white is your neighborhood?

today both Gawker and FastCompany came out with the same story: a set of maps designed by Eric Fischer that show the racial diversity or lack thereof in the top 40 cities (presumably population-wise) in america. here is the map for new york:

 

both articles go on to explain the way the maps were created:

Fisher used a straight forward method borrowed from Rankin: Using U.S. Census data from 2000, he created a map where one dot equals 25 people. The dots are then color-coded based on race: White is pink; Black is blue; Hispanic is orange, and Asian is green.

For a closer look, you should check out the maps on flicker. if you look at the original size of the maps, you can see the dots much more clearly.

now three small pieces of commentary:

1. I am always careful to consider the ways in which Latinos - black and white - may be misconstrued on the map and also, if we knew their racial identity, what other things the map might illuminate. The census does not count Latino as a race, but using census data the artist had constructed them as a race. but, if you dig below the surface a bit, you can see how this creates an interesting dynamic. what if, for example, all black latinos were concentrated in certain areas of the bronx and white latinos were not? what about all the latinos who weren't sure whether to check "black" or "white" because they were mixed and checked "other" - how might that change the data picture?

2. I thought it was interesting how the titles of the article were changed from source to source. FastCompany, more accurately, asked "How Segregated is your city?" whereas, Gawker (probably in an effort to incite and a nod to that "awkward" hipster irrelevancy/very much relevant manner of speaking) asked "How White is your neighborhood?" However, the choice to talk about whiteness instead of segregation also changes the tone of the entire piece of political to apolitical. Is it not as okay to talk about segregation in this "post-racial" era? Must we reduce it to a discussion on whiteness, that doesn't really bring up segregation? And, what do the viewers of the map suppose the reason for the intense segregation is? I can venture to say most people believe segregation is about preference and comfort. But, most people are wrong. Housing segregation was the result of explicit governmental policies and practices that sought to keep the nation segregated and created a legacy that still affects the housing markets today.

3. so, exactly how segregated is our city? very. in fact, this very question was the subject of an undergraduate research project in my GIS class (basically learning how to use the software that creates these maps. The article acknowledges that New York is not very integrated, but suggest that,

the sheer size of those areas (of extreme segregation) means that the boundary areas because intensely rich areas of cross-cultural ferment.

this, however, is not really the case. when you begin to look deeper into the census data and start plotting race by city block, you see that the boundary areas really are bound. if for instance, you walk up to east harlem and stand on 96th street, the demarcation of white and non-white is stark. though, admittedly, slightly less so than when i wrote the report as an undergraduate because of gentrification and the lack of affordable housing (funny, how quickly the city changes when you aren't looking). what i found is that when you looked at the data block by block, you began to see what looked like integrated census tracks really were segregated blocks even on the border of two neighborhoods. this was all very surprising to me because i thought that moving to new york, i would be in a city full of racial exchange and cultural integration. oh, how naive i was. beyond slumming it to different neighborhoods to taste the "ethnic food" people who truly ventured out of the white bubble surrounding columbia and downtown were few and far between.

the fact that new york city is still an integrated city, coupled with the alarming reversal of brown v. boe (see parents v. seattle schools) makes one wonder just how far we've come and how much further we have to go.

Event: Does Race (Still) Matter? Reconsidering Affirmative Action in the US and Brazil

The U.S. and Brazil appear to be approaching a temporal crossroad on race and affirmative action. While the myth of racial democracy has loosened its grip in Brazil and opened up unprecedented opportunities for Afro-Brazilians, post-racialism is becoming a powerful force in the US, undermining the future of social inclusion programs.  What can advocates for racial equality in the two countries learn from each other?  How can transnational cooperation between governments and civil society advance racial justice in the two Americas?  Come hear leading voices in the Joint Action Plan to Eliminate Racial discrimination (“JAPER”) in the US and Brazil.

A panel discussion with:

Daniel Teixeria
Staff Lawyer and Projects Coordinator at the Research Center on Labor Relations and Inequality; former Co-Chair for the Civil Society (JAPER)
“Demystifying Racial Democracy in Brazil”

Maria Aparecida Silva Bento
Executive Director of the Research Center on Labor Relations and Inequality; Associate Researcher at the University of Sao Paulo;
“Quantifying Employment Discrimination
in Brazilian Banks”

Clarence Lusane
Professor of Political Science in the School of International Service at American University; Co-Chair for the Civil Society (JAPER)
“Afro-Brazilians and the Continuing Struggle for Racial Equality”

Kimberlé Crenshaw
Professor of Law at Columbia & UCLA Law School; former Fulbright Chair for Latin America; Co-Chair for the Civil Society (JAPER)
“Framing Joint Action in the Matrix of Colorblindness and Racial Democracy”

Monday, September 27^th, 2010 ∙ 6pm
Columbia Law School ∙ Greene Hall, Room 103
Reception to Follow: Columbia Law School ∙ Case Lounge ∙ 7:30pm

Sponsored by: African American Policy Forum ∙ Institute for Research in African American Studies ∙Center for Brazilian Studies ∙ Latin American Law Students Association

white face

So, about a month or so ago I bought "skin lightening creme" ... Yeah not cool. But neither are my acne scars that take forever to fade. My dermatologist told me non-white people get this problem a lot - the pimple is gone but the scar is left behind. It wasn't my proudest purchase but shit it said its for fading acne scars.

Does it work? I don't know. I don't really use it. Maybe I would use it more if it wasn't called "skin lightening," like if it was called "blemish fader" or "acne scar away."

Anyways this is a segway into white face or the crazy ass korean girl I seen the other day while walking through my alma mater. Now, her makeup was for a very pale fair skinned girl, not her. And it was white to the point where I thought to myself well maybe she was in some theatre class??! But, oh, yeah there's no mime-ing classes at barnard.

So I then had to acknowledge that this girl deluded herself into thinking her skin was whiter than it is and none of her fool ass friends spoke up about how crazy she looked.

Self-hate is never attractive.

The oft-acknowledged irony is white girls are off giving themselves melanoma for a little color in the tanning bed. They wish they had some melanin in their skin.

Asian culture constantly befuddles me. I think asian women are beautiful but to not be cool with your color and make obvious attempts to look lighter? That's so crazy to me. When are we going to move past a european style of beauty? From skin whitening treatments to eyelid construction surgery, the entire nation needs a wake up call.

I'm wary of using my scar fading creme because it somehow feels wrong. And it just makes me sad that a beautiful intelligent young women isn't feeling that as well. What is wrong with our girls?

I feel like a lot of asian american girls try to take on a physical identity unlike their own because the lack of asians in the media or fucked up stereotypes.

Thoughts?

it's midnight and i got nothing

all,

the title of my post says it all. but i'll leave you with a few small thoughts:

- what's wrong with the service industry? or why did i wait 1 hour in bestbuy for them to find the external hard drive that was previously purchased online and arranged for pick up? note: employees in question were shooting the breeze with one another while one of them off-and-on helped my girl and i. am i expecting too much?

- between work, errands, and my commute - where does my leisure time come in? what can america learn from other countries in order to be happier and more efficient at the same time? or is that not possible. they always say the happiest people often come from the poorest countries, why is that? i have all these little activities planned: a cooking group, reading group, cards/dominos nights and a myriad of individual projects that never seem to actually get done.

- my girl brought up a movement for white studies programs, similar to black studies, latino studies and asian studies that would deconstruct whiteness and consider whiteness as something to explore, not something automatically superior. something about that doesn't sit right with me. yes, a class on whiteness, but a whole major/minor? how can you talk about whiteness and not talk about power, heirarchy and the "status quo?" if anyone has any further info or reading, that would be cool. a quick google search didn't elicit much.

- summer seems to be officially over though it doesn't bring the same loathing as it always has. my guess is because the end of summer no longer means the start of school. does this mean i'm growing up?! i really only like the spring/summer cusp and the summer/fall cusp though - so i'm pretty shit out of luck for most of the year. i am looking forward to guilt-free hibernation in the apartment this winter.

and, finally, sorry for the lame post!

leda

feeding illusions of grandeur

so this man-boy proclaims himself to be the "best unsigned rapper alive" and blames others for not recognizing his talent...

yeah, yeah, we all know people like this.

blaming others, when they should simply be blaming themselves. even with more specificity, we all know some boy who is really trying to pursue a music career without talent.

but, after he ranted on his facebook wall about giving up and how he knows he is the best, a number of women responded to him. I said some typical semi-condescending remark typical of our relationship. but, the other women continued to feed his illusions and allowing him to continue with his self-centered bullshit about no one getting it except for him when really everyone got it except for him. why do women do this? why do we build each other up and feed our disillusions when we know damn well that the person is really fat, untalented, mean or not that smart? why can't we just shut up?

and, really, it's not just women. because, thinking back to the first time I heard this man's raps back in 2006, I remember thinking "wow this dude is wack" and asking my boyfriend at the time why he told the "greatest unsigned rapper alive" that he was good. why insist on the myth?

(I considered mention the above little vignette in a facebook comment back to him to prove that no, everyone who heard him couldn't deny his greatness or whatever he said. But, I felt a little bad...)

the point of the story is, i would rather my friends either shut up or just tell me that I'm not as great as I think I am at something. all the time I would've spent pursuing something that was just never gonna happen could be spent pursuing something that will or even just leisure time.

so, let's pretty please stop being polite, and start being real. (thank you mtv.)

Perceived Intelligence

editor's note: this was the post for Tuesday, but somehow my blackberry didn't actually post it. sad face. anyways, enjoy!

So I'm auditing a seminar on colorblindness at the law school I work at. Taught by my boss. Intimidating, no?

So after class was over today, one of the girls mentioned that she wasn't sure she was going to stay in the class because she didn't feel like she belonged - like everyone was operating here and she was operating down there. Now, homegirl was smart and had a lot of both insightful and "let's get real people" comments that I always thoroughly enjoy. Nothing in the content of the class should've made her feel less than, but she did.

And, I did too. Why is that? Why is it so difficult for me to have confidence in the classroom? The classroom - a place where I have always excelled. I'm not sure why exactly, but here are some things I'm considering:

• gender: I feel most comfortable in a group of all women (or mostly women) than a co-ed group. Studies have shown that women's colleges (of which I have attended) generally are places where women tend to succeed in the classroom - where vestiges of patriarchy and male dominated classrooms aren't so common. I know the more co-ed classes that I was in, I felt more reserved as the men in the class often dominated the discussion especially in classes like political science. Yet, I would've hoped that my gendered instincts around whether my opinion mattered would have died and gone away never to return. I do believe I'm more comfortable asserting myself in front of men, but how much does patriarchy rear its angry head in my life still?
• education level: Its just difficult to speak up in a room full of ivy league grad students when I'm simply an employee. Have I come into the seminar from the back door? Will I ever be able to attend some of the illustrious top 10 law schools I have worked in? I vacilate between feeling like I'll never get into law school and feeling like Ima make it for sure. But, what makes some students deserving and others not? What knowledges, abilities and backgrounds are favored and celebrated and which ones are not? Is my opinion any less important because I have yet to be (arbitrarily) chosen? Na, can't be that, but, why then do I still feel like I'm some sort of undercover intruder?
• workplace politics: Simply put, I don't want to look stupid in front of my boss, and I secretly worry that they (my bosses) think I'm smarter than I really am. I know people were shocked when I got my position ("how did she get that? She isn't experienced/intelligent/old enough for that!") - and I guess I was too. 
• age: I realize now how smart I thought I was and how dumb I really was. So, of course I worry that I come off as a know-it-all little kid who doesn't know anything. I think my age gets in the way a lot and I don't get taken as seriously as I want to. How should one measure age? Time that passes, experiences one has or mind set one possesses? Why am I lumped as peers with people who live at home and have never left it, don't work and spend their time bickering with people on social media all day long?

 In the end though, I don't think a man would ever feel this way to the point of dropping out of class. Why have I been socialized to believe my opinion wouldn't stack up and why am I am able to express myself through this medium without getting flushed but not in an academic setting?

Thoughts/comments/disagreements welcome.

Book Review: The Answer is Always Yes, Monica Ferrell

Good Monday People:

Sorry about the lack of posting on Friday, feel terribly for letting you (and myself) down. Went to a black wall street networking event - not so much networking, but fun nonetheless. Then had some pretty banging fish from a Asian-French fusion(?!) spot.

Anyways, here is the inaugural post for my series about books that I've read. It begins with The Answer is Always Yes by Monica Ferrell. And, since I don't want to re-write a synopsis, here is the one from Publishers Weekly:

With a Stegner Fellowship and some big-name poetry publications under her belt, it's not surprising that Ferrell delivers a stylized and exuberantly written debut novel. Matthew Acciaccatura begins his freshman year at NYU determined to become cool. As it turns out, Matthew is the fixation of Hans Mannheim, an incarcerated German professor who annotates the novel with his increasingly creepy thoughts on Matthew's quest. Ferrell and Mannheim track Matthew's ascent up the ranks of New York hip, culminating in his transformation into Magic Matt, the promoter of über-hot club Cinema. As his last name suggests (acciaccatura is a note that creates dissonance within harmony), Matthew's new job takes some ugly turns; they are unexpected by Matthew and those close to him, but painfully anticipated by the reader. Ferrell is at her best when focusing on language and the explosive emotions that accompany jaded youth and idealism. Less successful, however, is Mannheim, whose most remarkable aspect is how caricatured he is. The writing is fabulous, but it's unfortunately in service of a lackluster plot and gimmicky structure.

The prose of The Answer is Always Yes is for the most part beautifully written and really acts to propel the book forward. Ferrell lingers where appropriate and paints a scene of 90s New York, complete with the requisite set of characters, which the protagonist himself groups into characatures of themselves. Magic Matt is complex, a friendless nerd coming to college to reinvent himself as a cool kid. His constant pursuit of coolness and his repression of the "nerdy" thoughts and activities he used to enjoy. College is the one time where many suburban kids can create a new identity, though they might be better off realizing that the torment and teasing of middle school doesn't necessarily occur in college. Matt's research and intial attempts at coolness seems sophomoric to both reader and his fellow students alike.

A lot of his insecurities come from his working class background, his Mom works at the local supermarket and his dad was never around. Coming into circles of wealth at NYU and then subsequently getting paid and going to the most exclusive parts of New York act in funny ways to Matt. As he changes and begins to look down on people not interested in the club scene, his only friend and his girlfriend begin to pull away from him. What I found most interesting and compellingly written was Matt's interaction with his mother and the disconnect between his working class life and sensability and the glamorous world of the NY club scene during the 1990s. He finds his relationship with his mother complicated because of her inability to understand his life or to even seem to care about the things that he's doing. Her class aspirations are projected upon Matt is a ghettoized way.

"international burn a koran day" or why i think pastor terry jones is a member of the kkk

speaking of my little foray into multimedia on my text-heavy blog, i have two videos here for you. i'm gonna venture that most people have seen at least one, but i'm hoping one might be new for you.

when the whole controversy around the mosque being built around the site of the fallen world trade towers begun, i ignored it. i skimmed over the headline, but discounted the whole thing as too ridiculous. "who cares? it must be only crazy people trying to fuss. are they hot? the weather needs to cool down..." then more and more people started jumping on it, having their say. i still didn't get it. what is wrong with building a mosque around the 9/11 site? they want to build a site of worship, a site of god, of goodness - damn, if anything, it's a stand of solidarity by the american muslim community.

then the whole "international burn a koran day" blew up. with crazy white dude trying to burn a holy book. and, man, i'm not religious or anything, but i'm not trying to burn a koran, or a bible, or any number of items considered sacred to anyone. i mean i'm not trying to fuck up peoples' prized possessions, period. like, girl, i am not borrowing that beautiful scarf of yours that means so much because it was your grandma's. wanna know why? because i know there's a good chance that i'll spill something on it and i'm just not trying to do that.

so, i finally sat down and read this nyt piece about the whole thing. and crazy dude doesn't really give much explanation for shit - just says it's what god would want. now, i'm a tolerant person, but i refuse to tolerate people acting crazy and using religion as an excuse for said craziness. na, god don't like ugly. why was this crazy christian extremist somehow given a global arena to talk about his nonsense? now, to all the muslims around the world, what does the u.s. look like but fanatical, ignorant and hypocritical (hiroshima, nagasaki anyone?) christians. luckily, however, the world isn't like the u.s

now, i do have to admit, i still have a difficult time wrapping my head around the whole argument. i keep having to ask myself, so what's the big deal? people love to cite their rights when it works in their favor (ie. the bastardization of the "freedom of speech," the now unnecessary right to bear arms, etc.) but conveniently forget about such things as the freedom of religion. the fact that we have no one official religion in the united states. the fact that people can build whatever they want to, whereever they want. if the supreme court found that the kkk could march around a town full of holocaust-survivors (see national socialist party v. village of skokie), that means anti-american "terrorist" muslims could march around the 9/11 site with signs all day and their speech is protected. now, backtracking, this certainly means (non-wild'in) muslims can build a mosque near the site.

i think the problem comes in when people wrongly and dangerously conflate muslim terrorists with muslims. and in this lovely youtube clip below from a special episode of the west wing (that always makes me cry) entitled Isaac and Ishmael (done following 9/11 and acting as a stand-alone episode), josh gives us a little enlightening with the non defunct sat analogy:

so when you think of extremists, think about the people who burned down the world trade center, think about the kkk who lynched black men all over the south, don't think about rational, logical and peaceful muslims and christians, don't even think about pastor terry jones with his stupid nickel-and-dime ass. now, speaking of youtube videos, i promised two of them. so, here is one of the illest female poets ever, Suheir Hammad, with a poem that makes me tear up no matter how many times i heard it (which is a lot - i saw her live for my 16th birthday suckas):

she's amazing right?

love and peace,
k h l

side note: now if csi and west wing glorified the police department and the government, respectively. and then, the wire turned csi on its head and gave us a glimpse of what police life is actually like, and we loved it. but, i can promise you this, when that show comes around, i'll be pissed. i love me some west wing. i like to think that's how my man barry runs shit.

tech update

instead of my normal posts, i wanted to take this wednesday out to gush about my three new favorite (free) technology-related finds.

1. priority inbox by google: though not for everyone, i would definately recommend trying it out if you are an email addict like me. my two big issues with my inbox: a) it's not clean enough, i don't like when it flows onto another page or contains too many emails, they all are just screaming "unproductive" at me and b) since my work and personal emails are connected in my gmail inbox, i am constantly (like once a minute) checking my email. all the time. and it takes up precious time that i should be spending doing actual work. these two work together to cause a third issue - when a junk email comes into my inbox, i can't ignore it, i must look over it, perhaps click through and be done with it so i can keep my inbox as clean as possible. oh no! i see how i've now shown everyone how depressingly anal i am about these things. oh well. anyways, with priority inbox, i can safely ignore mass emails without getting my panties in a twist. i check my inbox less frequently because i only look for my important emails and, thus, i get shit done.



2. boxee: so, in switching from corporate to non-profit, i have unfortunatley had to make a few switched that i'm not so happy with. like, not only canceling my cable tv subscription but also canceling my hbo, starz, showtime and cinemax (complete with on demand). wah! the only reason i was sorta okay with losing my tv is because i know most tv shows are available on the internet. but, since i still had my beautiful flat-screen hdtv, i stopped at tekserve, picked up a couple key cables for like $20 and hooked my shit up. now, in addition to my wii, i got my laptop hooked to the tv. but, getting up and down to mess with my laptop isn't so cool (i missed my remotes!). so i hooked it up further in two key ways: a) getting my netflix disc for wii and b) signing up for boxee and picking up a battery for my apple remote. boxee aggregates and delivers all the free (legally free) television around the internet and has a fair share of movies available, in addition to syncing your netflix, pandora, youtube and local resources in one app that can be controlled via your apple remote. thus, i am able to lay on my bed and zone out to tv, movies, and music with my beloved remotes again. it makes my soul happy.

Boxee Beta from boxee on Vimeo.

3. OmmWriter: faithful followers may have read that this blog is part of larger writing project of mine. writing is something that i enjoy and i'm trying to get used to writing every day (even when i don't have too much to say), expressing myself more concisely, sharpening my arguments and interacting with my friends (and other readers!). another part of the writing project consists of a memoir. and OmmWriter is what i depend on to make this happen. it's a word processing program, but one that takes up the entire screen (so you aren't constantly looking at the time or your gmail account or the pop-up of instand messages), has nice ambient music and an extremely satisfying key stroke noise. for those who want to spend more time writing, just writing, OmmWriter is mad cool.

Ommwriter from herraizsoto&co on Vimeo.

enjoy! you can thank me later.

colorblindness and the myth of post-racialism

Today, I was trying to think about the ways in which the rhetoric of colorblindness and our so-called "post racial" society are connected. Whereas colorblindness describes a perceived (but dishonest) way of thinking, post-racialism is the assertion that race does not matter anymore (not necessarily that it doesn't exist in true "I don't see color" fashion, but that it is somehow irrelevant). Colorblindness, as a concept, has been in existence for decades, possibly stemming from the democratic ideal "all men are created equal." An ideal, not for all people, but for all white property-owning men. The idea and pull of post-racialism, however, seems like a relatively new concept. With the advent of a black man in our highest office, all of our racial woes are cured. If, the story goes, a black man can obtain the most powerful position in the country (and some might add, the world) than all is white right with race in America. Thus, post-racialism describes a specific time period of idyllic bliss for some liberals when the guilt of slavery has suddenly been lifted off their back. It serves as a catalyst for the colorblindness ideology, one which pushes our idea of colorblindness further. So, post-racialism is both an outgrowth of and a catalyst to colorblindness. One supports the other. The post-racial argument is augmented by a rhetoric of colorblindness; I don't see color, therefore race is no longer on the table. In the same way, colorblindness is augmented by post-racialism; our society no longer has an race issues, in no small part to the fact that we no longer "see" race. 

The unfortunate part is that both have reached the point in which they have become, not only accepted, but also revered. They have become status quo markers of all that is right in the world. They have become politically correct. How is it that they have gone largely unchallenged as a racist ploy to continue to disenfranchise and harm communities of color. Racism 2.0 in effect.

I think it was Malcolm X who said (and I'm quoting from someone quoting him) that we gotta be on the forefront of racism. Every year they come out with a new model and trying to fix racial problems in American with the politics of the civil rights movement is trying to fix a 2011 car with a 1964 owner's manual.

some updates

i've been trying to update my blog to look a little less elementary. hope it looks better, though I know it's super text-heavy. i just guess i have a lot more to say than curate.

i'm considering doing podcasts every now and then (maybe monthly?). but i would love a to have collaborators, please contact me if you are remotely interested.

finally, please check out my list of "words from my people" -- blogs written by my friends and fam. let's support each other.

love,

khl

UPDATE: also, have decided that i'll give commentary to each book that i read. created another page to aggregate all future commentary called "reading list." 

Willfull disobedience, or why I listen to rap music and will probably take my husband's last name

The way I feel about rap music is the same way I feel about (if and when I get married) taking my fiance's last name. I know I probably shouldn't like/do it; in fact, I have logical reasons why I shouldn't like/do it that are aligned with my beliefs, but I'll still do it for no good reason.

Is that a bit complicated? Well, basically, I think most rap music is misogynistic. I think it teaches young girls growing up to devalue themselves and that objectification equals love. I would be awfully offended if a man ever approached me or spoke to me in the way Lil Wayne claims he speaks to women. I think it's disrespectful, and that hip-hop music generally creates a virgin/whore dichotomy that is woefully ignorant of the complexity of being a woman, especially in a way that's not defined by men. All good reasons for not listening to rap. Rap isn't aligned with my values, with my belief system. Now, if I know this, it's probably because I listen to it. And, while I do listen to "Ladies First" and "Black Girl Pain," I do listen to "Oh, let's do it" (the remix - who is Diddy paying to write his lyrics? that was a good look) and Minaj's verse on threesomes with Usher. And, how does rap music align with my values? It doesn't. Then, again, how does any music align with my values? They don't, but they also don't misalign. 

However, I still listen. I stopped for about a year because I thought if I proclaimed to be a radical feminist I can not be caught listening to this bullshit. But, then I started again. I sang along. I downloaded. I even bought! (Yes, folks, I still buy CDs.) And, the truth is, I have no good reason.

Now, this is similar to my relationship with taking a man's name. Why must I give up the identity I've cultivated for so long to take on a man's identity? Why should I stroke my man's ego and let him know his dick is big enough when I got shit to do, people to see, places to be? How does this fit into my feminist agenda? It doesn't. In fact, I'm so on the same page with every single article I read about women choosing to keep their last name instead of furthering patriarchy. I know that culturally some women always keep their last name (I think Korean women do this?) with no serious repercussions (people will get confused because I don't have the same last name as my child - though this is probably a moot point in Korea...). So, I have this whole case built up against giving up my name. And, absolutely no reason to keep it. But, I will probably end up taking my fiance's last name to the chagrin of some important women in my life. Why? I don't know. Because I've always wanted to be a "Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so"? That's not good enough or even really true. 

So, why is it that we participate in behavior that we know is wrong and choose to do things that we have no good reason to be doing?

Technology and Education

Just a small post on something that I came across today.

I'm a fan of Raw Toast Design - one of the prints hangs prominently in my bedroom! When I received an email from the artist, Jessie, asking for his blog readers to vote for East Side Community High, a school in grave need of an educational grant (and threw in a free print!), I could not refuse. He writes back:

Unfortunately this Kohl's Cares challenge looks like it will largely (maybe entirely) go to the schools that already have substantial budgets in place and were able to market themselves the best (via free iPad incentives, helicopter rides, and paid advertising) with those budget dollars and not the schools that really really need this money. This school can’t even afford new computers for themselves let alone give them away in exchange for votes like many of the leading schools are doing. May the most deserving schools win... and hopefully not only the ones with the biggest advertising budgets. 

This was the first thing I noticed when I went on the Kohl's facebook site.  All the top schools were Jewish private schools who had the technology and spread to create a campaign to win this challenge. Kohl's relies on the larger community to vote for the schools that are most deserving. However, the "larger community" is not the larger community when it doesn't take into consideration the substantial barriers to technology that schools face when they are underfunded and in poor communities (largely of color) who do not have the same access, networking capacity and time to launch large scale campaigns such as the one Jesse describes above.

Who's idea was it to start a campaign that could ostensibly give money to schools who are already well-funded, or at least much more funded than other schools? Did anyone consider the logistically issues that would pop up in such a funding contest. It's just so frustrating when campaigns that are supposed to do good are not thought out. Social media networking is not necessarily the be all end all answer to social issues and problems and how to solve them and how to choose worthiness. What happens is all the underserved students remain underserved.

So, please fellow readers, vote for East Side Community High (and get a print, too!). Check it out here: http://rawtoastdesign.blogspot.com/2010/08/giving-away-my-work-for-free.html

Takers

So, I (finally) saw Takers tonight. I heard from a friend that it was a "good-bad movie." Meaning for a bad movie it was pretty good. Meaning there was a sorta okay plotline to all that eye candy. From jump, I knew I was gonna like the movie (I can't bring myself to say film..). So I was gonna like it with or without sound. Put Idris Elba, Michael Ealy, Hayden Christianson, Chris Brown, Paul Walker and TI together and it's gonna be a pleasing visual. Anyways, I digress. Here are my final thoughts on it:

***SPOILER ALERT***

Cool Article

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/02/paris-underground/shea-text

In re: "Is it because I'm white?" "Yes."

My fellow alum/sister, Sydnie, recently wrote an interesting post in her blog, entitled "Is it because I'm white?" "Yes." where she relays a story about this white dude who tried to kick it to her and when she refused to bite - he basically asked, "Is it because I'm white?" And, the short and sweet of her answer was yes.

Now, she says she is a fan of black love, and a white guy would have to go above and beyond to be considered. It makes me stop and think, where do I stand on this? Black love is cool. Asian love is cool. I guess white love is cool - though that doesn't slide off my tongue in the same way, maybe because it's so damn politically incorrect. But, interracial love is mad cool. 

A little history... in 1958 Richard and Mildred loving, a white man and black woman, were married out of state to avoid miscegenation laws. (Miscegenation - such an ugly sounding word.) They were charged and their case made it all the way to the Supreme Court. The court found in favor of the Lovings:

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

And thus, miscegenation laws died. It was 1963 -- less than 50 years ago.