Willfull disobedience, or why I listen to rap music and will probably take my husband's last name

The way I feel about rap music is the same way I feel about (if and when I get married) taking my fiance's last name. I know I probably shouldn't like/do it; in fact, I have logical reasons why I shouldn't like/do it that are aligned with my beliefs, but I'll still do it for no good reason.

Is that a bit complicated? Well, basically, I think most rap music is misogynistic. I think it teaches young girls growing up to devalue themselves and that objectification equals love. I would be awfully offended if a man ever approached me or spoke to me in the way Lil Wayne claims he speaks to women. I think it's disrespectful, and that hip-hop music generally creates a virgin/whore dichotomy that is woefully ignorant of the complexity of being a woman, especially in a way that's not defined by men. All good reasons for not listening to rap. Rap isn't aligned with my values, with my belief system. Now, if I know this, it's probably because I listen to it. And, while I do listen to "Ladies First" and "Black Girl Pain," I do listen to "Oh, let's do it" (the remix - who is Diddy paying to write his lyrics? that was a good look) and Minaj's verse on threesomes with Usher. And, how does rap music align with my values? It doesn't. Then, again, how does any music align with my values? They don't, but they also don't misalign. 

However, I still listen. I stopped for about a year because I thought if I proclaimed to be a radical feminist I can not be caught listening to this bullshit. But, then I started again. I sang along. I downloaded. I even bought! (Yes, folks, I still buy CDs.) And, the truth is, I have no good reason.

Now, this is similar to my relationship with taking a man's name. Why must I give up the identity I've cultivated for so long to take on a man's identity? Why should I stroke my man's ego and let him know his dick is big enough when I got shit to do, people to see, places to be? How does this fit into my feminist agenda? It doesn't. In fact, I'm so on the same page with every single article I read about women choosing to keep their last name instead of furthering patriarchy. I know that culturally some women always keep their last name (I think Korean women do this?) with no serious repercussions (people will get confused because I don't have the same last name as my child - though this is probably a moot point in Korea...). So, I have this whole case built up against giving up my name. And, absolutely no reason to keep it. But, I will probably end up taking my fiance's last name to the chagrin of some important women in my life. Why? I don't know. Because I've always wanted to be a "Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so"? That's not good enough or even really true. 

So, why is it that we participate in behavior that we know is wrong and choose to do things that we have no good reason to be doing?