My fellow alum/sister, Sydnie, recently wrote an interesting post in her blog, entitled "Is it because I'm white?" "Yes." where she relays a story about this white dude who tried to kick it to her and when she refused to bite - he basically asked, "Is it because I'm white?" And, the short and sweet of her answer was yes.
Now, she says she is a fan of black love, and a white guy would have to go above and beyond to be considered. It makes me stop and think, where do I stand on this? Black love is cool. Asian love is cool. I guess white love is cool - though that doesn't slide off my tongue in the same way, maybe because it's so damn politically incorrect. But, interracial love is mad cool.
A little history... in 1958 Richard and Mildred loving, a white man and black woman, were married out of state to avoid miscegenation laws. (Miscegenation - such an ugly sounding word.) They were charged and their case made it all the way to the Supreme Court. The court found in favor of the Lovings:
Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.
And thus, miscegenation laws died. It was 1963 -- less than 50 years ago.
Less than 50 years ago, the government regulated whom I could fall in love with and marry in order to preserve racial hierarchy. That's not a long time at all. That's my parents generation's coming of age time. That means I'm one generation removed. That means (at least in my head) that choosing to be part of an interracial relationship is still an inherently political act. (Though I don't condone being part of relationship for any political reason - the choice to remain in one is.) Interracial relationships still bother people - a lot of people. And, I'm going to bet that it's still not accepted in many regions in America. And, it bugs a lot of otherwise liberal minded people. (Why? Not sure, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms.)
So, my point, interracial relationships are mad cool.
Sydnie also posits white men as less able to portray a certain type of bravado and masculinity that black men do. And, while I will agree that white men may because of acculturation and racialization have different behaviors than black men, it does not in any way cut clear across the board, nor does it mean that the specific behaviors that white men gain from their acculturation and white privilege can't be endearing appreciated. Sydnie also frames the question in a black-white narrative (probably because it sprouted from a personal experience involving a white man), but I wonder how she feels about Asian guys, Latino guys, Afro-latino guys? If you're black and latino, without the history of U.S. slavery, are you excluded? What about recent African immigrants? What about Asian people and de-facto slavery?
And, yes Sydnie, you are doing yourself a disservice by not wanting to date outside your race. If you think shit aint gonna work, it won't. I, too, used to have the hardest time visualizing myself with white men. I thought because my life is so dedicated to the struggle, because issues of equality, race, gender and class float around in my head all day long, a white boy could not get down because he could never really understand. (Though I can think of a lot of Asian, Black and Latino men who will just never "get it" either.) But, that was my m-o. Though, I never would admit that I just couldn't "see" myself with a white guy - I definitely carried that on my back. Maybe because I thought a white guy would never be attracted to the woman that I am. Maybe because I hate the stereotype of white men having asian fever. Maybe because of some crazy latent inferiority complex. But, this morning, waking up next to a fine white man who I think "gets it" - I can start to "see" it. Which is to say, I didn't think it was possible either.
yo, i love it. I read that post as well and had the same thoughts that you're verbalizing here. The guy mentioned in her post does seem to be a bit of a jerk, but assholes are not specific to any race and I'm sure you can attest to that. Actually, I have my own fantasies of dating outside of my race. I think it'd be a great experience (plus the reaction from my family would provide me with laughs for decades). I think I'm so over just being "Black", thats like so late 90s. lmao
ReplyDeleteLeda! First of all, OMG how are you?! It has been too long. Second, I love how thoughtful and incisive your response is. Thank you. Lastly, to respond:
ReplyDeleteYou are right. Interracial relationships are mad cool... for other people. I'm one of those other-wise liberally minded people which might mean I'm not so liberal minded at all; however, I cannot fathom it for myself and only recently has it bothered me to see black-white interracial couples (particularly black man, white woman) amongst or within my own social circles. (It's an odd knee jerk possessive feeling - as if these women have taken the men directly from me.)
I feel like my mental block is just toward white men. I'd choose a black man first, but any of the other folks you've mentioned are fine and I've certainly had relationships with non-AfAms. You are absolutely right that it has something to do with the privilege afforded white men in America. Honestly I'm NOT EVEN the first person to have "black love" because I'm so down for the cause, rather it's a comfort thing.
I was raised in a large close-knit African American family. I was bred in Baltimore, MD - one of the most segregated cities (race and class) in America. When I think of who I want to date seriously I want someone who "fits." And you might be right... Some white man could come sweep me off my feet and could fit better than any black man I've met, but I'll believe it when I "see" it.
Terra: thanks my faithful reader. :) i definitely think i fantasize men of color to be these immaculate, intelligent and conscious thinkers, but then I realize they have their fair share of jerks just like everyone else.
ReplyDeleteSydnie: I'm glad you enjoyed! I enjoy your blog immensely! It's interesting that you say it's a comfort thing. Being one of the only asians in a very racially diverse town perhaps forced me to date outside of my race from jump. And, I read the post you referred to about black men/white women dynamic and I would be remiss to not mention that I do also have a knee-jerk reaction to some pairings that strike me as possibly disingenuous or originating from a race-fantasy: black man/white dancer lady, middle aged white man/petite asian, black man/white girl who looks like she is appropriating black culture. I def. understand that there are only a small minority of black men who are educated, not in jail, etc. because of the way our society is structured so when a "good black man" isn't with a black women, I could get why a black woman would feel slighted. But, I just hope that none of those feelings stem from the racist myth of the single, lonely black female who is not feminine enough to get a man. I don't necessarily think that is how you feel, but I think it's a meme that has been pushed into our consciousness as of late that needs to be more strongly refuted. Anyways, I hope to run into you soon! and will be reading about all your adventures via your blog until I do. much love love love!